You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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