I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
