Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
