Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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