He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize