You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
