it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
