Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
