You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
