She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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