Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
