Small penises have feelings too.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
