I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
