i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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