she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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