what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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