I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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