Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
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for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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