I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
