Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
