my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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