i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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