dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
