He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dicks are not precious.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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