There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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