just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
