I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
