Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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