I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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