I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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