so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
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Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
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My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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