he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
