I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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