dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
