so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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