somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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