Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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