i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
