dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
