i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
