Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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