i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish you could order shots online.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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