you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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