was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
