In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
