WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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