He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
