I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
