grandma shit on top of the toilet
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
