i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
