After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize