Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
