I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
