I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
