I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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