I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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