Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
