My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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