Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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