that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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