omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
