i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
