please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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