I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
