Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize