The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
