apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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