Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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